Saturday, July 19, 2008
emotions uproar
hey all. it's already 01.14am. It's not that I just finished chats or some homework. I was trying to fall asleep. But I cant. I was thinking, reflecting about today's CIP and I got reminded of some stuffs. And how I might've become in a way.
It's been a brief 2months already. 2 months since I'm down with responsibility as a chairperson. It's been a hard 2 months for me. 2 months seems like a year to me. Seriously. Like in between, I had thoughts of giving up. I had thoughts that I can't make it. I had thoughts that this all might just be another exhaustive piece of shit, i possibly dread. I had. Yeah.
Now, it seems like, I've moved myself. Thinking @ the thought that I am very fearful of losing memories of this 2 hard months' that had gone by. Quite afraid I would forget how I realise potential in juniors, having fun and serious work at the same time with them. Quite afraid how I struggled with friendship and club matter with my vice chair. Quite afraid how I might be unable to recollect one day, how people had reassured and supported me through this arduous two months.
You might think it's a short period. A really short one, indeed. It meant alot to me. On the surface and on the inside.
Today's CIP. My vice chairs did their part to help me whenever possible. Thanks alot alot. Like helping me to speak up, when I am not confident enough. I am trying slowly. And I'll need time. I really appreciate your help. I really appreciate when vice chair initiated talks about the club, cus it purely shows that I am not alone. Even members of the club, when we eat at the senior table, we would discuss, discuss stuffs for the benefit of club. Somewhat it gives me a feeling deep within our hearts, we care, we really do.
Our juniors might appear playful at times. The first junior who first made me cry is Justin. That was last year. I thought he was being not serious at all. Now, it's already a year, I think differently. He might appear playful but he will still be responsible. Appearance is highly deceiving. I am starting to get used to the way the juniors jokes, but still carry out their work even when they claims/appears to be playing.
Thank you for making year1s session possible. I know you guys go through many stress and pressure. I am impressed at times, how you would give in more than I can. Thanks some for turning in a serious listening ear. Might not mean a thing to you, but as you listen attentively to what I have to say about item, I really appreciated.
Having to withstand unreasonable request from Lim, we might be insulted in a way, or angered in another way -.- We might feel incomplete and incompetent towards the comment they've made. I guess, it's not just a self thing. Because, it's wakeup call I would say. Waking up to reality that I might really be doing things the wrong way for the club. I've learnt, through stupid means. I am appreciative of Lim.
When you grow old, you get amnesia. And you know what, this post is written because, Assuming if I caught Amnesia one day, just if. I would want to remember this two months in the future. It probably helped me grow, see stuffs, speak up to be more vocal, dare to try and so much more. I would say I'm not a born leader, but I feel stronger and not as frail as last time. That's a change mentally.
It's amazing how I might have been shaped over the gradual 2 months. So much happened.
Thank god, you guys were here to provide for me.
Thank god, i didn't give up totally.
Thank god, I've learn how to believe.
Jiayou Shi Min! There's much more to come.
Labels: heartstring